


Changes and feelings

by PumpkinGlitch



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: episode 128 spoilers, first fic, just not tagging him because he hasnt spoken, kinda it goes off script very quickly, wilde is in this too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21786550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinGlitch/pseuds/PumpkinGlitch
Summary: A short drabble about episode 128. A peek into if the story hadn't been so clipped.
Relationships: Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan & Azu, Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan & Zolf Smith
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

Zolf was, conflicted. By the gods he knew what the protocol was, Wilde drilled it into him often enough. He also knew with absolute certainty that the gently snoring halfling being held oh so carefully by the raging, drugged woman, was Hamid. He had almost told the half-orc to put him down, that he wouldn't appreciate being manhandled like that if he was awake. He was the ever gentleman and had always tried to keep a distance, especially with those he worked with. He could count on one hand the voluntary touches that the four of them had ever had, usually brief and usually between himself and Hamid when Zolf had gone through some stuff or Hamid was crying. 

While he had had his internal monologue the half orc woman had woken Hamid. He was confused, then angry then demanding. All in all it was so Hamid Zolf thought he would get choked up. Because there's the catch, he had mourned them, Sasha and Hamid. Thought they were dead for a long time. Turns out Sasha probably was, though there seemed to be some weird hope around the situation. Zolf tried to go back to his book and tune them out, give them the privacy to grieve, to mourn. But even with the absolute certainty that it was still Hamid, with his new compatriot Azu, he seemed desperate, clingy almost. Zolf felt a pang of, something, when he glanced up from his book after a long period of stillness and saw Hamid quietly holding her hand while she slept. 

It didn't take him more than a day to realize that despite Hamid's assurance that he didn't blame them, for the caution, that he was just frustrated with it, that they truly didn't trust their surroundings. They slept in shifts, for one. Like they were camping somewhere feral, unknown, like Zolf would get up and attack them if they slept at the same time. Which hurt a lot more than he would ever admit. Secondly they both jumped and reached for weapons at the slightest noise. He'd knocked over his glaive coming back down in the middle of the night, during Hamid's "shift" and within seconds he had an ax pointed at him and Hamid had tried to cast magic missile. Hamid and Azu both remained perfect gentlemen to each other, and when he had them strip both kept their eyes tightly closed throughout the thing. The third and perhaps strangest bit of the experience was how close the two seemed, Hamid often fell asleep curled against her side and vice versa. It was bizarre to him, because clearly they weren't together if they were that uncomfortable with nudity. Also it seemed that Hamid wasn't talking to him. after the first day, he just stopped trying, looking at Zolf with an unreadable expression. 

Zolf actually got along quite well with Azu, as long as they were talking about Campbell books. She clammed up and just looked suspiciously at him if he tried to talk to her about anything else. The only conversation he managed to have about something else rang in his ears for days after. Hamid had been asleep curled into her side and he'd just had to ask. "What's with that?" Gesturing at sleeping Hamid she responded unexpectedly "He is asleep." Zolf narrowed his eyes at her, trying to see if she was bullshitting him. Finally he relented and clarified "Why do you and him stay so close together all the time? Last I knew Hamid he was a bit hug happy but not like this." Zolf flushed a little talking about his friend like he wasn't in the room but Azu seemed nonplussed, "Letting go is what killed Sasha and Grizzop, if we had just held on tighter, maybe..." She let out a large sigh and Hamid curled tighter towards her. "Besides, we're all we've got left" She stared hard at him, and he felt as though he was being judged and found lacking, he was just about to puff up with indignation when Hamid began to thrash. 

All the air was knocked out of his lungs and he stared at his friend in concern, "is something wrong?!" he asked in a frankly panicked voice. Azu gave a half shrug and simply said "Nightmares". She held Hamid a little tighter and started to hum a song that Zolf didn't know but seemed to help, the thrashing slowed to a stop and he could see Hamid's face, tear streaked, but eyes open. He quietly cried into Azu's side and she continued to hum and rub at his back till he fell back asleep.

That was a few days ago and the conversation still rang in his ears as he heard them moving around the inn, having been released just this morning. Hamid had popped back into action almost too quickly. Only taking a few hours to clean himself up before he was asking about what happens next and wanting to move on. Azu seemed to have a more difficult time of it, and notably they had hardly left each others side throughout the day, only disappearing to respective baths. Zolf tried to keep his distance, give them their space but it seemed like he ran into Azu around every corner, Hamid appearing next to her almost immediately, but never seeming to actually run into Hamid. He wondered if he was avoiding him with a spell but didn't ask. 

It took Azu almost four days longer than Hamid to decide that she could see Wilde. In that time Zolf had found the two of them often curled next to one another just sitting together, occasionally chatting til they spotted Zolf and it would often go silent. During that time they found that Azu also suffered from nightmares, much louder ones. The first time it happened Wilde and he burst into the room because Azu was honest to the gods screaming. The two had been offered separate rooms but had decided to bunk together without saying anything to Zolf, or to Wilde as far as he could tell. Zolf had knocked on Hamid's room one day to find it devoid of anything at all. Azu's screams had apparently woken Hamid up (or maybe they'd been in bed together?) and he was now sitting by her head stroking her hair and singing, barely audible about the screaming. He started when Wilde and Zolf burst into the room and held his hands up as if to cast a spell which died on his fingers. 

Seeing the it was just the two of them he returned to singing and Azu finally stopped screaming and Zolf could hear what Hamid was singing. It seemed to be a lullaby that Zolf had never heard before and seemed to be working. Once he was certain Azu was done, Hamid gestured for the men to leave the room and followed them out. Getting a better look at Hamid Zolf relaxed farther, he just looked tired in his perfectly coordinated pajamas, not worried. "Sorry about that, nightmares are kind of a bitch." Hamid said, them looked surprised at his own words, "Sorry, I'm tired, didn't mean to say that" he punctuated the sentence with a yawn that racked his whole body. Zolf was suddenly aware that he and Wilde were supposed to be giving them space about about the same time Wilde did apparently, as Wilde turned on his heel and walked off. "Yeah, right, I'll just? Yeah go um, goodnight?" Zolf stammered through that one and felt his face warm a bit. Hamid didn't seem to notice (or maybe he didn't care?) about Zolf's insecurity and just shook his head and headed off the hallway with a sigh he said "Not anymore, want to join me for some tea?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hamid needs to talk to someone

It was quiet between the two of them in a way it had almost never been before. While Hamid puttered around and made tea zolf pondered about the fact that the old Hamid used to fill every silence. Used to fill up a room with his voice and his presence, to the point of getting them in trouble a few times. This one was a bt darker, and much quieter. Other than to insist on making the tea he had hardly spoken a word. He finally sat across from Zolf and spoke. "It's just so strange, that ten minutes could pass by so quickly.It's hard to believe its been 18 months for you all. As far as I'm concerned Zolf, I saw you less than a month ago and Wilde less than a week ago." He let out a little, strained laugh, and it sounded so delicate, like glass on the edge of breaking. Zolf stared hard at Hamid and again this was something new, something to get used to.

Whereas Hamid before would either start to squirm under his gaze and ask if there was something the matter, or preen and puff up and start a meaningless conversation about anything. This new version of Hamid just stared calmly back at him, weary, exhausted, too exhausted in fact to have changed his outfit to something other than pajamas. Finally after what seemed like forever Zolf spoke "its weird for us too Hamid, even though its only been a month for you and its been 19 for me, for us I mean, uh-shit!" Zolf had knocked his cup off the table with his hand motions and that temporarily stalled the conversation. He was grateful for the pause though, he hadn't known what he had meant to say. Sorry It's a weird situation for everyone buck up? That was terrible, and he recalled with some clarity just how high-strung he had been after working this job without end for a month. He couldn't imagine the kind of pressure Hamid must be under with the job just, never-ending, and getting more and more complex. He hadn't missed Hamid's flinch when the mug had shattered either.

Zolf had had the opportunity to stop and breathe and talk to someone, get his internals sorted, lay his feelings out. Hamid hadn't had that, the closest thing he'd had so far was this? And he'd tried to jump right back in, only a few hours after his stint in the basement. Had an extra month of that high pressure with no release really turned Hamid this, different? They got the glass cleaned up and it was clear to Zolf that although Hamid was making his excuses to head to bed, he wasn't going to go sleep tonight. He looked exhausted, but wired, tense like a spring wound too tight. He reached out, completely unsure of what he was going to say but unable to let Hamid run off and be alone like this.

Hamid froze and glances up at Zolf in question when he gently grabs his arm. Its the same one with the scar from the catacombs and Zolf flinches back but starts talking before he can stop himself. "It's weird, but it's okay, and look, I know I used to be really gruff and stubborn and bad at this whole, talking thing but if you need to talk to someone about all of this, then you can talk to me about it. Or you know if you're not comfortable talking to me anymore after the basement I totally get that but talking about it all helps some? Maybe you can talk to Azu or something?" his voice trails off into a question at the end and he knows if it was someone better than him with words he would've said that better, maybe convinced him to talk to him or something. Hamid looked at him for a long time before nodding and continuing down the hall back towards Azu's room.


End file.
